Fall Changes

I love fall – I think it is my favorite season – apple picking, pumpkin flavored everything, the cool crisp air.  But then again, I also love spring, winter, summer… I can never decide.  What I think I really love is the change of seasons; the first snow, the first flower in spring, the first swim in summer, the changing color of the leaves in fall.

I was blessed to have the opportunity to go on my home leave during the peak of the New England fall.  I greatly enjoyed being there to watch the leaves change, drink some pumpkin spice lattes, go to the apple orchard, but most of all, to have some to rest, reflect, and prepare.

Watching the fall leaves change color allowed me to reflect on change in my own life.  Just like I love the changing of seasons, I love change in my own life.  Yet I hate it at the same time!  I was asking myself how that works, how can one both love and hate change?!?  I don’t really have a good answer.

Since coming to Liberia two years ago, it seems that I am living in a perpetual stage of change.  Even though I don’t have a good answer, I have realized that I like change when I am in control of the change – what it is, when it is.  I don’t like change when I have no control – which happens to be a lot of the time!  During some of the recent changes, I commented to some of my housemates who have been here a long time that I don’t know how they have done it for so long.  But I am learning. 

I am currently going through a fairly significant change.  As of October 1^st, I have taken a new position with SP Liberia, managing a new maternal child health project out of our River Gee sub-office.  In one sense, I had control over the change and made the decision, however it involved following a clear sense of God’s leading in which I felt there was no other option (in a good way!).  

A year ago while working on the proposal for this project and during a difficult time with my projects, I said that if we got the grant I would love to manage the project.  Fast forward about 6 months when we were provisionally awarded the grant.  There was a small part of me that still wanted that change as I am passionate about the project and invested a lot into the proposal.  But a larger part of me was really enjoying where I was at in my job.  I felt like I finally had a bit of a grasp on what I was really supposed to be doing.

I had basically decided against pursuing the new position in my mind, but realized that all my thoughts on it were me, me, me.  I realized maybe I should ask God what He wants.  So one Sunday in church, I laid it before him and said if he wanted me to go, I would.  I especially had to lay down the social aspect.  I have a great community in Monrovia, and it would mean spending most of my time away from that community.  And let’s face it, as a single person, Liberia feels hard enough to meet someone, much less a distant corner of Liberia. I know anything can happen, but committing to 2 years in River Gee at least feels like a big step backwards in that respect!

Fast forward another month.  I get an email about that someone very qualified for the position was interested.  I should have been elated!  Instead, I was in tears!  What was going on???  I had to leave the office and go sit on the beach….to cry, to pray, to process.  Apparently my mind was not made up.  If a little email evoked that much of an emotional response, I knew there was something going on. 

Long story short, after meeting, talking, crying some more with various people, I felt like I needed to take the new program manager position.  I laid it before God, and he made it clear. I will admit, I have shed tears since then for one reason or another and there has been A LOT of stress with the transition, but I have a peace about it and that is what matters.

So whether I had control over this change or not – it is here!  I hired 6 new staff for the key management/supervisory positions and we came to Fish Town on Wednesday and are ready to go!  The song that has really been speaking to me is “Our God” by Chris Tomlin – “Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other, our God is healer, awesome in power, our God, our God”.  As excited about the project as I am, I know there are many challenges ahead.  But I also know God has blessed us with this opportunity and has something great planned; he will get us through the challenges.