Running the Race

In my May blog I talked about running the Liberia marathon.  It is now three weeks away – yikes!  This weekend was my longest run yet, 20 miles.  It was a great run, but exhausting.  I never thought I would be doing this, but I am glad I decided to try it.  Training has been intense, sometimes the only reason I can get out and run is by just thinking about August 25^th and how I want to be prepared.  I know it is an often used analogy, but physically running frequently makes me think of how we are running the race spiritually, and running in such a way as to win the prize, a crown that will last forever (1 Corinthians 9:24-25); running the race marked out for us with perseverance (Hebrews 12:1).  

This past November to January was a rough time for me.  While I was home at Christmas the thing that was pressing on my heart was that I wanted to truly desire God.  To be filled to overflowing with him in all areas of my life.  In a conversation with a friend, I realized that I am like a little child with a balloon.  I want to let it go to float away, but I when I do, I still hold onto the end of the string.  So when it pleases me, I can pull the string back.  I was convicted of the need to just let go of the string altogether and fully rely on God.

I just want to praise God for how he has been drawing me closer to him these last six months.  In the Celebration of Disciplines, it says “The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us. …[they are] the means by which we places ourselves where he can bless us.”  By reading about and practicing some of these disciplines, I feel that this has been true.  I have been better positioning myself to allow God to work in my life.

It is a process, but I feel like the prayer I first prayed in December and have continued praying – “God, help me to truly desire you more” is being answered little by little.  It is not always easy.  He has been rooting out some deep-seated things, insecurities I didn’t realize were such a big deal, desires that are good but need to be given over to Him. 

At one point, I was on the airplane coming from upcountry and I heard the Shane and Shane song “The Answer” - “I have found the answer is to love you and be loved by you”; it is such a simple truth. As I listened to it, I saw a cross straight before me in the distance – that is my answer, my center, my focus.  But there was also a cross right to the left of my vision, and I knew I needed to give over to God some of my desires.  

Often we think of nailing our sins to the cross, which is great and necessary, but I needed to put my good desires on that cross – for a meaningful vocation, for deep friendships, for a husband and family.  As I have given some of those over to him, I have seen him leading me, even though I have not always picked up right away!  I was recently reading The Four Loves by CS Lewis, a great book that has been on my shelf for years but I am just now reading.  One thing that was so affirming was the idea that while God love (charity) is not a substitute for the natural loves (affection, friendship, romantic love), all the other loves must be subject to it and perfected by it; just as our good desires must be subject to God as the center of our lives.

This last weekend at church, I had that vision of the cross in my mind again as we were worshipping.  The words “I gladly bow my knee, to worship you alone” resonated with me.  I am so thankful for God’s work in my life, and he deserves my full worship, kneeling before Him alone.  “Now to him who is able to immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen” Ephesians 3:20-21

This posting is more personal and less project than usual, but I wanted to share what God has been doing in my life.  I have been in Monrovia for longer than usual – meetings, workshops, retreats, canceled flights…but I am looking forward to getting back to Foya next week.  Please pray for that trip as I have some staff meetings, evaluations, assessments, and project planning for the REAP project.  Pray for wisdom and discernment as we plan for 2014. Also pray for the CDF refresher training we will be having, and for the first Foya TTM (trained traditional midwife) network meeting that will be happening. I hope that I will have a great post to share about that trip in a few weeks!